Just As You Are
(Thanks Krista for capturing this shot and for running around in fields with me and loving photography as much as I do 😉 )
Confession: I am obsessed with the Bachelor and Bachelorette. Like I’m almost positive that our neighbors think it’s the Superbowl every Monday night at our apartment and it’s a miracle we haven’t been reported for noise.
I first started watching this show last summer. Prior to that I hardcore judged my friends who watched the Bachelor and I couldn’t have named a single Bachelor or Bachelorette or cared less. I love to dance and after Dancing with the Stars ended one night the Bachelor came on. Two girls named Kaitlyn and Brit were both in the running for being the next Bachelorette and I was intrigued.
I felt extremely uncomfortable as I watched them awkwardly compete for the attention of countless males as they exited the limo–insecurity unable to hide itself in their shifting eyes and nervous tendencies.
I think what intrigues me the most about this show is the way both fully grown men and women place their entire worth in the hands of someone else. And then they get sent home after a mere few weeks of infatuation and their deepest insecurities come flowing out of them.
“I just wanted someone who could love me for me”
“I’m unlovable” -Ben Higgins
“I’ll never find love!” -Everyone on the show ever
“She’s so sexy and I’m just not” -Ashley I
It is always at these moments that I find myself yelling at the t.v. “You are enough! You are lovable! Get it together woman! Stop putting yourself down! Be confident!”
And Ashley I…. For the love of anything girl you are beautiful, capable, and so much more so stop criticizing yourself and please hide your crazy and start acting like a lady. It’s not cute, or attractive, or healthy.
If one man or woman decides you are not the one for them and can’t love you how you deserve to be loved–then someone else will. But not until you start loving yourself. And you can’t know who you are until you know whose you are.
Some Audrey traits that some people love and some people hate are that I am very blunt and snarky (I blame this on growing up with all boys) but I will probably care more about people than I would ever show on the surface. I would rather be alone on a Friday night watching Bridgette Jones’s Diary eating Thai food in some seriously unattractive sweat pants than in a club surrounded by empty people (Now you know what I did this last Friday!) 90 percent of the time I would rather communicate with children than adults because they are so refreshingly honest and unfiltered and adults take too much energy out of me. I love that kids have the gift of being unable to hide what they are truly feeling. I could run a marathon in high heels but there’s a 90 percent chance I’ll run into a wall in front of a cute guy (This happened last week by the way).
But no matter how much I embarrass myself or say or do the wrong thing I don’t want to be anyone else. I wasted a lot of time in my teenagers years wishing I was anyone but me and I got really tired of it. I got tired of caring and ultimately turning so inward. I love laughing at myself now and I know my worth and also recognize the tremendous worth of the people around me. Wishing you were someone else is a recipe for misery and I never want my world to be so small that I can’t admire someone else’s beauty or accomplishments without questioning my own.
I have come to embrace all of these quirks about myself. In this life there will be people who adore you for who you. There will be people that hate you and put down the very things someone else may praise about you. There will be people that think they know what is best for you. Pray for the discernment to recognize God’s voice and have the courage to drown out everyone else’s.
Don’t be afraid to be alone until you can get to a point where you genuinely look in the mirror and like the person staring back at you. Please stop giving power to people who belittle you or don’t build you up and hold out for someone like Mr. Darcy who tells you that they like you just as you are.
You are enough as you are–it’s time to start believing it.
The Anti-Cover Girl