Mirror Mirror: Do you Like What You See?
If I could give women of all ages one gift it would be confidence. True confidence is perhaps one of the most powerful characteristics I believe a woman can have. It unleashes your potential, opens the door for success, and boosts the quality of your relationships. Plus, confident people are easy to be around and people like them. Have you ever been around someone so insecure that they constantly put themselves down, comment on their weight, tug at their clothes, and are so focused on singing the blues that they unknowingly drag around everyone around them?
I can honestly say that I don’t have regrets in my life. Are there moments I would go back and do differently if given the chance? Of course. But do I beat myself up over those moments and spend my days wallowing in the misery of past mistakes? Absolutely not. I couldn’t write each of these posts with as much conviction and transparency as I do if I hadn’t walked where I’ve walked and been through the lows that I have. But if there was one gift I would go back and give my younger self it would be confidence.
When was the last time you had a tough conversation with yourself? It all begins with this. I am a huge believer in not running away from quiet moments alone with yourself and your thoughts in the mirror where you have a moment of total honesty and transparency–even if it’s painful at the present moment.
We live in a world that has really screwed up and distorted what it means to be really truly happy. We distract ourselves of facing that person in the mirror by never slowing down and by chasing misery clothed as bliss. We often live our lives through a screen and are so busy swiping left and right on dating apps, looking at pornography through a screen, searching for the next hottest thing or how to be the next hottest thing, and walking in places that don’t serve us because I believe we are running from those hard conversations.
What are we really running from?
I see so many women everywhere using relationships to satisfy them when they are lonely, but are they ready?
The most important relationship you will ever have in my opinion besides that which you have with your creator is the one you have with yourself. Because it is not someone else’s job to make you happy. And trust me I learned this the hard way! I used to think that one day I would just meet the right person and give all of my heart to them and be blissfully happy. How wrong that was! If you want to share all of your heart with someone start by giving the best of you to the people around you now. If you want to attract someone that makes your life more beautiful then stop giving power to people who do not serve you. Stop walking in places that do not serve you. Stop wishing you were someone else. Stop making ugly comparisons. You have to start loving yourself before someone else can fully love you. And when you become whole you will attract someone who is whole too.
Trust me, these aren’t things I have learned over night. It is a process but nevertheless one that begins with self awareness and accountability. I have definitely put my happiness in the hands of past boyfriends and relied on them to fulfill me and it was exhausting for them and totally unfulfilling for me. I have had boyfriends do this to me and I wanted them to need me and to build them up and I now realize that I am not in charge of their happiness. I see so many girls losing their minds over silly things like who their boyfriend is following on social media, if they “like” their pictures or not, if they read their snap story or not…one minute they go from feeling on top of the world and the next minute their stomach is in knots and their glass castle is shattering.
Don’t be afraid of being alone until you are ready, not just lonely. I have days where I fall short and let negative doubts creep into my mind but I try so hard to never let them consume me anymore. You have to shut Satan out and shut those lies out. You have to master your mind and make a conscious effort to occupy it with positivity. I have spent and seen too many women spending nights curled up in a ball feeling totally shattered because they put their worth in someone else’s hands. I now fill my mind with positive affirmations and honestly hold myself accountable for the changes I need to make. And I work hard to make them because I want to be really truly happy. I don’t need to be the most likeable person in the room, I don’t need or want all eyes on me, but I want to be someone who is comfortable enough in my skin to never feel threatened by someone else’s beauty or success or accomplishments. What a small way to live that would is!
Don’t be afraid to tell yourself what you like about you! Make a list if you have to. I like that I am one fiercely loyal friend and family member. I like that I am kind to people and genuinely care about them, especially the people others may not notice. I like that I am not afraid to look like a total idiot no matter where I am (literally, sometimes I think I am a walking movie). I like that I have a borderline man laugh and that my closest friends know everything about me. I like that when I cry I usually laugh because I know I am an ugly crier. I like that I am not afraid of being vulnerable anymore. I love that I am a daughter of God and that I know him and he knows me.
What do you love about you?
Let’s be women that are for other women. Let’s be women that tap into our own potential and help others tap into theirs. Let’s be women that see the beauty in our God-given ability to make this world a more beautiful and soft place. It begins with me and it begins with you.
The Anti-Cover Girl