The Anti Cover Girl

...Because You're Worth It


The Road to There


**One of the most magical parts of the east coast for me is the way the district transforms and slows down at night. I love to write in my journal at the monuments on Sunday nights and tonight I met a super talented photographer (Nathan Chung) that asked to take a candid of me. If you get a chance check out how amazing his work is here! This guy is seriously so talented. You won’t be disappointed!**

Tonight I talked with one of my very best friends on the phone. We laughed and we cried and we talked about how lately the most common phrase in both of our lives seems to be “I don’t know.”

“I don’t know how that interview went”

“I don’t know when I am going to graduate”

“I don’t what I’m supposed to do after I graduate”

“I don’t know if I am on the right path”

“I don’t know who I am going to marry”

“I don’t know where God is”

“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!”

I think that especially when you are young and single and are trying to figure out who you want to be and what you want to do in this life then this phrase is all too familiar to you. My early 20’s have been a whirlwind. Some days feel magical and my heart is on fire for the unlimited possibilities and the splendor and wonder of the future. Other days, I feel consumed by doubt and loneliness and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. Maybe this isn’t just your 20’s that you feel this way. Maybe a lot of people actually do but just don’t talk about it.

It is in those times of doubt and uncertainty that I keep the most detailed journal entries. Because it is usually the times when “I don’t know” the most that I am actually being guided the most although I rarely recognize it at the time. My journal is so much more than a bunch of emotionally driven words scribbled in poor handwriting on warn out pieces of paper that can’t talk back to me or judge what is being written. It is the highest of highs in a beautiful life. It is the lowest of lows in the deepest hollows of my heart. It is the thing I carry with me that helps me recognize how much God has done in my life both past and present. It is like an ongoing connect the dots picture that becomes a little more clear piece by piece. If you’re currently trying to see the bigger picture when connecting your own dots just remember it won’t always look like a hurricane I promise! 😉

I came home tonight and had an amazing conversation with my roommate (isn’t it wild how you can go your whole life without knowing someone and then within a few short months find yourself wondering what life would be like without them?) That’s my roommate Taci. Tonight we talked a lot about the things that we both carry with us and the experiences that have shaped us both for better and worse. I didn’t know why I wanted to move back to DC a few months ago but I follow my heart and my head where they take me and am so glad I did because I met one of my best friends (and someone who only goes to Whole Foods for the bakery section just like I do! #yeahdog)

She shared with me that one of the main things she thinks God has been trying to teach her is to be content with where she is now. As a society I think we are often very guilty of falling into the trap of thinking “When I reach this milestone in my life I will be happy and fulfilled”…and then that milestone may or may not come and we find ourselves feeling empty and longing for more. Or sometimes when they don’t happen when we want them to we ask ourselves where God is and why he is withholding his blessings from us. I think our hearts were made to love. They were also made to break because we were not sent to this earth to be idle. So when the things we yearn for with our whole hearts don’t happen for us when we would like them to but we see them happening to the people around us how do we act in those moments? Do we trust God and keep pressing forward or do we envy and doubt and harden our hearts toward Him?

Do we still believe in the wonder and beauty of God’s majestic plan for us or are we still desperately trying to piece together our glass castle that is so fragile and finite.

Because at the end of the day we don’t know when God will fulfill all of his promises to us, but that if we are faithful then He will.

“He hath made every thing beautiful in his time…” -Ecclesiastes 3:11 KJV

Takeaway from this week: God’s timing is different for everyone and in time the beauty of his plan will unfold before you–but don’t overlook the significance of each dot that contributes toward the end masterpiece. Love the people in your life and don’t just be a “fair weather friend” to the people God puts in your path. Get to know them. Cherish them. Be content with where you are right in this moment and trust in His plan.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28




  1. Mary Loumeau - August 2, 2016 10:18 pm

    Oh how I love your writings. ❤️ They feed my soul.

  2. Taci Merkley - August 3, 2016 2:22 am

    First, I’m the lucky one in our friendship! I agree 100% with how amazing it is to find someone you can raid the bakery aisle at Whole Foods judgement free and feel like it has been a part of our routine for years! Second, your ability to be open, honest and caring isn’t only for this website, but you truly live it. It is a breath of fresh air and you are an inspiration to all who are lucky enough to cross paths with you in both the virtual and real world! Finally, one of my favorite paintings is by Georges-Pierre Seurat called, “A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte.” It was painted using single dots of paint and close up it is hard to see what the artist had in mind. It is by stepping back you finally have the ability to see the masterpiece in all its beauty. For us, God is the artist and we are his canvas, each dot is meant to be felt (good or bad) because in the end we will step back and marvel at the masterpiece he created in us using one dot at a time.


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